11-30-10
My coffee tastes like dirty dishwater that has been steeped with a bag of smelly gym socks. I understand that my usual coffee-flavored water is weak to most people, but I have always enjoyed its relaxing affect on my morning. Is this sudden distaste due to a disastrous coffee-making error on my part? Did I accidently make my coffee using dirty dishwater that has been steeped with a bag of smelly gym socks? Or has Lilly sent me over the edge into the sludge filled abyss that is heavy, fully loaded coffee drinking? I love my daughter, without a doubt, but if she has caused me to become a tar-chewer for breakfast, something will have to change.
I have been told that babies begin sleeping through the night somewhere between four and six months. All along my goal has been to move Lilly from the bedroom I share with my husband to her own room by the time she reaches six months. The idea was that Lilly could sleep in her own room when she could sleep through the night. As my little girl just turned five months this past weekend, the deadline is looming.
Generally (and I think most mothers think this of their own babies), I think my baby is superior to all other babies. She’s cute, sweet, very intelligent, and squishy (the ultimate baby compliment). However, there is one area where my daughter does not excel on the Best-Baby-Ever scale. Each night, regardless of how late she first falls asleep, Lilly summons me from the cozy shelter of my bed and demands to be fed.
One thing new mothers don’t really expect, at least I didn’t, was the flood of unsolicited advice I would receive after giving birth. It’s as if I gave birth to a baby and a sign that says, “Help me, I don’t know what I am doing!” Honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing, and I appreciate all advice. I enjoy hearing from other mothers who have had similar experiences. I find comfort in hearing from other sleepless mothers who have tried everything possible to get a good night’s sleep.
I have been told to stuff Lilly full of a tasty concoction of breast milk and baby cereal right before bed. This only results in bigger diaper issues than I care to discuss, and Lilly still wakes a few hours later for her moonlit feeding. I have tried using a pacifier to pacify (sorry) her habit of eating in the middle of the night. When I have tried this method, I am up every hour (or 30 minutes!) to replace the pacifier. Eventually, I give in to her insistence to eat and then crawl under the covers for a few more hours of sleep. Some mothers have suggested I take away one of Lilly’s naps during the day. However, if Lilly feels like napping, I cannot wave a magical wand to prevent her from falling asleep.
Sure, I’m tired most days. Looking in the mirror is a scary experience; my eyes are puffy, dark, bloodshot orbs. Frankly, I’m surprised Lilly isn’t scared of the sight of me. She’s braver than me. My one solace is in the cup of coffee I enjoy every morning. That one cup transforms me from a walking, rattle-shaking zombie into a “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” singing, smiling mother. For now, I must make my coffee stronger, and wait patiently for my little darling to sleep soundly. I know that with time she will sleep for longer stretches of time. I understand that my sleeplessness is a minor problem, and I am grateful for a happy, healthy, bundle of pure sweetness.
