When Lilly was two weeks old, her doctor ordered a second newborn screening test because the first test's results were inconclusive (grr-we went on to have a 3rd screening done!). As Lilly and I were leaving the lab where her poor little sensitive heel had been gouged by an insensitive hulk of a lab tech, an elderly lady approached us and said, "I promise I won't keep her, but you have to let me hold your baby." After I got over my initial shock at this absurd demand, I firmly but nicely told the lady that Lilly had just had her heel carved, was pretty upset, and she didn't feel like leaving the comforts of her wrap (I had her tucked firmly in our Moby wrap).
Most people would have taken the hint, wished us a good day, and moved along. This was no ordinary lady. She proceeded to follow me to the car, asking the entire way if she could hold Lilly. In her defense, I think she suffered from the onset of dementia, because 1. She talked about the loss of one of her children as if it happened yesterday, rather than 50 years ago (Her daughter died at the age of 22), and 2. She couldn't remember what kind of car she drove (!) or where she would have parked said car.
I felt sorry for the lady, but I could only visualize the woman getting confused while she held my newborn, and then me tackling her in order to get Lilly back. I didn't want to risk it.
I recall that my mom told me that people always wanted to hold me as a baby. I wonder if most moms face this dilemma. I say dilemma because while moms need any and all help offered, there is a strong need to protect our babies from any possibility of harm.
Recently, at the post office I was filling out a ridiculously long form, while Lilly hung out on my hip. She was so good, as always. She was curious to see what happened at the post office. At one point, she started laughing hysterically, which always makes me laugh, too. She was content to sit on my hip and people watch.
As I filled out the necessary form, a kind woman offered to hold Lilly, while I finished what I was doing. She was not the first person to ever make such an offer. I appreciate the offers to help, but do any mothers actually say yes in these situations?
I can see three reasons to decline the offers:
1. Stranger Danger
2. Cold/Flu Season
3. My Maniacal Obsession of Keeping Lilly Away From Reasons 1 & 2
Secretly, I wish I was confident in the sanity and healthiness of others to allow them to hold Lilly long enough for me to finish whatever project I am working on at the time. Additionally, I really get a thrill from watching other people have fun with Lilly, and she benefits from the stimulation.
Pre-Lilly, I enjoyed getting my hands on any available baby. Therefore, I like to share my own baby and allow others to have the same fun I do/did. However, I have limited my sharing to family and friends. I cannot seem to accept the kind offers of strangers. Even though I am aware that the vast majority, if not all, of the offers come from sweet women who know what it's like to be a new mom with lots of things to do with only two hands.
As I was going through the process of writing this post, Lilly got a cold. The heart wrenching reality of watching my baby suffer has only renewed my protectiveness over her well-being. However, her cold has also forced me to realize that I will not be able to protect her from all possible dangers forever no matter how much I would like to be her permanent shield. She's going to scrape her knees, get sick, or have her heart broken. That's part of life. My greatest hope for her life is that she will power through the struggles, enjoy the triumphs, and understand that her greatest earthly allies, cheerleaders, and comforters are her parents.
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